hello dolly

(on a road trip to arizona US 2004)

push and pull

the thought of me drowning in quagmire was something i had in mind at every start of the week. running on my third nerve wracking work week, i am still alive. almost like an action star escaping every mean and nasty villain, a ballerina pulling of her nth pirouette, an akyat bahay gang member finally snagging the biggest loot. geez. in the end it's not so bad. uhm, lemme rephrase. in the end, it wasn't as hard as i thought it would be. But bad..it is. Dreading still everyday i get to mingle with office whores and bi-a-tches, the pretenders and the pretentious, the vulgar and the idots, the useless and inutile. That is terrible.
But i get to eat puto bumbong every lunchtime for dessert, enjoy a cup of coffee or go binging at our in house coop. simple joys that release me from all the bullshit at the 15th floor. body work is extremely one of the biggest release i could give myself. weekend yoga left me feeling so very alive again. to be in touch with the physical self is in fact a blessing. it is the only reward i could give to this ever abused body. ah. the quirks of being alive.



toil i suppose is a more romantic word for work.
work like romance can drive you mad.
so take a break.
from work.
from romance.

pandora's box

anything with past and age never cease to amaze me.
to me, it creates the need to probe.
i like to explore, look out for meanings, understand.
sometimes, or rather most of the times this habit of unearthing spills out truths that aren't always as nice nor amazing as you thought it ought to be. and when it happens, objects appear differently, philosophies become trite, ideas sound like lies and so on and so forth. It gets confusing even as you get deeper, everything gets muddled. Try to sift through and make sense of the leftovers. But what could they be? Perhaps mostly a collections of various degrees of disappointment and disgust.
At 34something, i am bound to conclude and accept that even my own fancies betray me. Originally it was suppose to be my source of delight and not despair. Poison and antidote all rolled into one. Everybody digged Forrest Gump when he said, "life is like a box of chocolates." I say life is a pandora's box...you know, filled with bittersweet unanticipated consequences and revelations.


the less you know

it's strange. as i am getting older, the lesser i am becoming sure of myself.
Sting said that once and he also said, that's the way it is...
is it?


here there and everywhere

i have been zooming through my missions with both my eyes closed.
i am swiftly speeding, not minding how my heavy heart is pounding.
i am recklessly ignoring my nerves.
i cannot stop now. i cannot fail.

dance without care. dance as if no one's there.


after the long, arduos wait...
a message from pluto:
sorry my server crashed. how are you?

been telling myself this is better than not getting any at all.
but it has always been like this. my choices are always limited to being:
squeezed in or left over.

am i just two sentences worth?



it's been raining nonstop.
the season's finally changed.
so did i.
so did i.

...i'm singing and dancing in the rain...